wordless wednesday

enter music. exit boredom.

Whew, I am tired.

As usual, it isn't until we're apart that I realize how much Dustin helps me with the children. When all their care and comfort rests upon my shoulders, I am shocked by the workload! As I've been chasing after the little ones, my little grandmother sits and watches with bemused observation: "Gan, you're too skinny...the children are making you waste away"..."Gan, how do you survive when you're at home...I could never do it!"...."Gan, Dustin must help you out a lot, doesn't he?!".

Coming from my Puo-Puo, these comments seem rather ironic. From everything I know about her life as a young mother, I don't know how she survived!! My grandfather was in the upper ranks of the Taiwanese military and usually only came home once every three months...and yes, my grandma had a live-in nanny, a cook, and a maid, but her life in rural Taiwan wasn't cushy. Puo-Puo worked full-time, six days a week...came home to four children, and ran a full household by herself. I could not do that.

I guess whatever the circumstances, mothering alone is just not easy...hats off to all the single mothers out there.

My training runs for the half-marathon have been my method of survival. I don't usually count being all sweaty and stinky as something special, but that time alone has given me the much needed centering that I've needed to stay strong this summer. During the week, I do three runs on my own and on the weekend, I do the long runs with my best girlfriend, Beckee. Two years ago, we ran a marathon together, so we know each others rhythms, how to pace each other, and always always have lots to talk about. This past week, I hit a bit of a rut with the mid-week runs. The route is perfect, but I was feeling mentally stale.

Enter music. Exit boredom. The playlist is a nice blend of good syncopation and meaningful lyrics...I'm loving it! If anyone has suggestions for songs I should add...let me know!

1. Life In Technicolor -- Coldplay
2. Better Off Alone -- Alice Deejay
3. Video Killed the Radio Star -- The Buggles
4. Somewhere Only We Know -- Keane
5. Hey There Delilah -- Plain White T's
6. Holes To Heaven -- Jack Johnson
7. She Will Be Loved -- Maroon 5
8. Viva la Vida -- Coldplay
9. How to Save a Life -- The Fray
10. Yes -- Coldplay
11. Sing Alleluia -- Jennifer Knapp
12. Dare You To Move -- Switchfoot
13. Into You -- Relient K

Total Playing Time: 51.3 minutes

Update: My friend Daniel was kind enough to show me how to embed the playlist in the post..."Sing Alleluia" is not on the list, but available on iTunes. Thanks Daniel!!

sorely missed

The visit with Andrew was fantastic, as it always is when he comes to see us! I am certainly going to miss him while he's off saving lives in Kenya this next year. It was so heartwarming to watch Di warm up so quickly to his godfather (other than Dustin or myself, Di won't usually let other people hold him). Fen of course milked Andrew's availability and playful energy for all it's worth. I think he went home quite tuckered out from all the wagon rides and chalk drawings Fen had him roped into.

I am a bit beside myself with worry...how will I survive a whole year without Andrew being just a phone call away? I guess it's time to figure out this whole Skype thing that everyone keeps talking about.

There truly is nothing more special than a bestest friend. One that has known me forever, loves me despite my many faults, and takes my teasing with a cheerful smile.

Andrew, you will be sorely sorely missed. And just so you know, Dustin may miss you more than I will...he is deeply grateful for all the straight talk you give me...it makes his life a whole lot easier (wink).

five happy things

Whenever I feel myself slipping into an emotional funk or needing a few moments alone, I often think of something to look forward to....it could be a cup of coffee or a nice long run, just some sort of treat to mentally pop me out of the present.

Yea, I know...this sort of mind game sounds silly....but darn it, it works! Especially right now, as I'm shouldering most of Fen and Di's day-to-day care on my own, the anticipation of a treat is keeping my spirits up.

Here are five things that are making me happy this week:

1. Rereading this book (Such a classic...it never gets old)

2. Snacking on this candy (Hands down people...best toffee ever.)

3. Running with this on (Kind of sad that a new bra could give me so much joy.)

4. Spritzing this on my face (I use it every summer...so refreshing.)

5. Hanging out with him tomorrow (What could be happier than a visit from my best friend?!)

(ok, so if Dustin was here too, that would make me super happy)

What's making you happy this week?

sheet music

Today's topic is on sex. My words are not as well thought-out or concise as I would prefer, so forgive the disjointed nature of the post. When my blog topics are of a more serious nature, I don't receive as many comments...but in fact that's when I really want to hear back from you. Positively or negatively, I want to know what you think!

---

Goodwill has always been my mother's favorite place to shop. Growing up, I remember swinging by the shop after my weekly piano lesson. My brother and I would head for the toys and my mom would browse the book section. After one such shopping trip, she came home with "The Teenage Body Book".

I highly doubt my Mom realized that the 1987 edition of that book was #22 on the list of "Most Frequently Banned Books of the 1990's", because of its detailed discussions on sex. Fortunately for curious 12 year-old me, it became my introduction to sex education. And let me tell you, it wasn't just my parents Biblical teachings that kept me a virgin until I was married...that book scared the crap out of me!

The sex education continued a few years later with "The Gift of Sex", then "Sex, Love, and Romance", and right before Dustin and I got married, I read "Getting Your Sex Life Off To A Great Start". After all that reading, I believe I entered into marriage with a healthy and solid understanding of sex and its role in my relationship with Dustin. Yet until we had children, I don't think I realized how much more there is still to learn about sex.

While it's pretty simple to see why sex education is important for school-age children and young adults, its also important for those of us who are married, starting families, etc. The following two articles may be a gloomy look into the future for those of you who are single or married w/o children, but for any parent, I am sure you'll laugh and nod in understanding....the scenarios are so true! (be forewarned, some may find these articles too graphic).

Just like the folks in the articles, Dustin and I have had our woes with sexual intimacy since Fen and Di came along. Our saving grace has been honest discussion of our frustrations and the awareness that what we're experiencing is normal.

A few weeks ago, someone recommended this book, saying "it will revolutionize your sex life". Wow, you better believe my curiosity was piqued! After reading a few reviews, I decided to give Dustin a copy for Father's Day and I bought a copy for myself too. This past week, we read a chapter a day, discussing it during our nightly call to each other. While our talks have definitely been lively, there's been some emotional moments as well. Sex is not easy to talk about when it holds such an important role in our marriage....some raw nerves can be hit and expectations sometimes have to be adjusted.

I honestly thought my beliefs/ideas on sex had been set in stone, but Sheet Music has shaken many of my perspectives. Yes, I can take or leave the book's opinions, but I'm starting to realize that maybe my mind should be a little more open...perhaps I've not been as good of a wife as I could be.

Marriage can be happy and fulfilled without children, wealth, and power...but it cannot thrive without sex. So to those of you with little children and no libido, don't forget your spouse's physical needs...and never stop the sex education.

tagging along

Earlier this week, Di and I spent a morning alone together. It's fascinating to watch my little boy play when he's not around Fen. The pace of exploration and discovery is much slower...Di takes his time looking at things, whereas Fen is constantly on the move. I grabbed the camera and tagged along as Di wandered the house...take a peek:

the greatest adventure

While I enjoy being here in the northwest, it's not always easy to stay with my family. We all have strong personalities, which can lead to some pretty heated conversations. There is plenty of deep affection for one another, but we all love in very different ways...and the communication of these various forms of love aren't always well received. I think you get the point, right?

But aside from the familial tensions that can arise, there's also a beautiful, multi-generational co-existence. Watching my 83 year-old grandma interact with 14-month old Di-Di is precious beyond words. And it's obvious how much joy my parents get from doting after Fen-Fen. Then there's me and my sister...we've been doing some serious hanging out together. Movies, errands, ice cream, and workouts...it's been fantastic!

The other night, my grandma fainted. Fen quickly ran and brought her a plastic hamburger and a pretend cup of water. My sister and I helped her into her bed, wiping her brow with a cool cloth, and my Mom busily took her blood pressure and called the doctor. At bedtime, my sister and I sat with my grandma, each of us holding one of her hands. She retold some of our favorite Chinese fables...and the three of us giggled like we haven't done in a very long time. The entire interaction was just beautiful...four generations all under the same roof...community at its best.

Those sort of moments aren't always possible in every family...I realize my situation is unique . This summer, I hope to soak up as many of these generational moments as is possible...time is always of the essence.

"What do we want our family to be like?" - this is one of the ongoing questions Dustin and I ask ourselves. We've picked out certain qualities from our own families of origin that we hope to emulate. And then there's a small group of families who've inspired us to be like them...one in Hawaii, another in Los Angeles, and a few in Chicago. One of these dear families is in the midst of a divorce. It's terribly sad, yet we are learning good and healthy lessons even from this painful event. Sounds strange, but I think Dustin and I love this family even more because of the divorce...we've always loved them dearly, but now we're fiercely in love with them. They will survive, they will heal, and they will find happiness again....we are sure of that.

Family...multi-generational, loving, dysfunctional, joyful, jealous, and forgiving - it's the greatest adventure life can possibly offer.

a solemn promise

One of my goals this summer is to focus on saving more money. Dustin and I do a decent job of budgeting and spending within our means, but I'd like to do better. I love fashion and buying clothes is probably my greatest vice. I'm not quite Rebecca Bloomwood in "Confessions of a Shopaholic", but I have certainly bought clothes I did not need, rarely wore, or still hangs in my closet with tags on (that is so embarrassing to admit).

Clothing is a personal statement, a way to feel beautiful, and a glorious indulgence. But for where Dustin and I are right now, there are definitely better ways of using our money. So, I'm on a mission this summer...no clothes shopping until I'm in New York City for the half-marathon.

When I packed for the summer, I focused on outfits that were the same color palate, easily mixed and matched, and of course, comfortable (hullo, comfort is key when caring for small children!). Because my body has changed so drastically this year (including my feet which shrank a size?!), there were a few things I did pick up this past month...two pairs of shoes, a skirt, and two cardigans...and then two accessories (a belt and scarf from Anthropologie) that I bought just for fun. But other than that, I've given Dustin a solemn promise: I am not buying any clothes while I'm in the NW this summer. It's only nine weeks, but I will not lie, this is going to be a tough promise to keep...especially since my sister just got hired at Nordstrom for their huge anniversary sale. (sigh...and she gets such a nice employee discount!).

I'm determined though...the wallet stays home. I will get creative with my outfits, borrow from my stash of old clothes (the rose outfit will stay unworn though), and just be content with what I have. The only place I'll be shopping is the closet. Here are some of the websites I've been finding creative inspiration for my wardrobe:

The Uniform Project

The Satorialist

Norma Kamali

Lucky Magazine (Style & Advice archives)

Just found this site today...very cool!

Wish me luck to stay strong...it is not going to be easy. Throughout the summer, I try posting some pics of the outfits I come up with...and feel free to let your inner critique speak out :).

a pain in the rear

Taking a photo of our family is NOT easy. Nobody ever looks at the camera in unison, one of us usually looks weird, and the single photo that does come out decently is usually blurry. Add in the wind, a hyper dog....and our photo-taking session is the definition of CHAOS.

It's a pain in the rear...yet every six months or so, I feel compelled to gather the four of us together and commemorate ourselves before the camera. Dustin is back on the east coast, but before he left this morning, we pulled up our jeans, licked our hair down and smiled for the camera. Ahh, so glad we don't have to do this again until it's time for the Christmas card mailing!

no greater love

There is no greater love in my life than to watch Dustin with our children. From the first positive pregnancy test in August 2005 until now, he has been an ever-loving presence in their lives. Every night feeding...he was there. Every important doctors visit...he was there. Every time he's been needed/wanted...he figured out a way to be there.

So many people have commented about how lucky I am to have Dustin as my husband/father of my children. I usually smile and say nothing...but deep down, I know....this man is a gem...he deserves every word of praise that is showered on him. Words of affirmation are not my forte...but in light of us being apart for the next two months, I have a few words to share:

Dust/Ba-Ba,

Thank you for being our faithful protector and friend...you have always gone above and beyond what is usually "required" of fatherhood. The dishes you've washed, the laundry you've done, the hundreds of diapers you've changed...and that hot cup of coffee you bring me every morning...the little ones and I feel so treasured by all you do to take care of us. Enjoy a little extra freedom and relaxation this summer...you deserve it!! We will miss you these next two months.

Much love,

Pocahantas, Fenners, and Deebers

at the beach

I have been away...at the beach...with Dustin...just the two of us. It was pure bliss.

We just returned from Cannon Beach, a quaint beach town that holds many dear childhood memories. Of all the oceans and seas I've seen around the world, the Pacific at Cannon is still my favorite...it's majestic, powerful, and breathtaking. Lewis and Clark must have just stood in awe when they first saw the mighty Pacific. Every time I visit the Oregon coast, I imagine them taking in the salty air, the sounds of crashing waves, and the emerald green of the trees around them, speechless at the beauty...it's exactly how I feel too.

Fresh salt water taffy, a misty walk along the beach, one very relaxing bath, and the best blue cheese hamburgers Dustin and I have had in ages...even just 24 hours without Fen and Di was long enough to inject a peaceful glow into our spirits.

Which was more refreshing? The morning run with stunning views of the ocean and Haystack Rock or the warmth of the gas fireplace in our hotel room, gently lulling us to sleep? All I can say is, thanks Mom for letting Dustin and I get away.

These days, when even a 15-minute shower feels like a luxury to me, I am intensely grateful for some exclusive time with Dustin. To my readers with young children, may I remind you to not forget to invest in time for just you and your spouse. It really is the best way to survive young parenthood.

good. bad. ugly.

Good: After nine months of coaxing and cajoling with absolutely no luck, Fen peed in the potty today.

Bad: This only occurred after 90 minutes on the toilet, in which time, Fen drank 3 cups of water, watched a half-hour cartoon, read two books, ate a granola bar, two figs, and one piece of candy.

Ugly: She wet her pants shortly thereafter. Potty-training has SO only begun.

packed and ready

I am totally loving the altered khaki skirt and black halter dress, especially paired with a new scarf I found earlier this week. Just in case anyone is curious, the alterations cost $60 (two skirts and one dress)...that's not bad for three "new" outfits!

Fen's last day of preschool was this morning...lots of hugs were exchanged between Fen and her teacher. It's been so sweet to see how all the little children in Fen's class have blossomed together since January.

The bags are packed and ready...the to-do list is (almost) done. It's off to Chicago in the morning, followed by a weekend chock-full of activities (including a much-anticipated, girls-only tea at the Drake). We then continue on to the west coast, settling in for a summer of fun with my parents, grandma, and sister.

It's official, summer vacay starts tomorrow!

a rambling post

This past week has been REALLY busy and really tiring. Not only have I had the usual weekly activities (preschool, grocery shopping, laundry...), but three different sets of friends have stayed at our place (the sheets have been in and out of the washer/dryer every day for the last five days).

In addition, the to-do list for our big trip just keeps getting longer and longer: renew DMV stickers, put a delivery hold on the NY Times, re-schedule a teeth cleaning, get new contacts, buy the pediatrician a wedding gift, attend Chinese class, make returns at the mall, take Fen to get a haircut, etc. How am I going to get all of this done before I leave town for two months!?!

Oh yea, and then there's that small task called packing that needs to get done too. Ug. I suppose it hasn't helped that Dustin and I have been staying up late, catching up with our various house guests and watching Conan.

Conan is truly to blame for our lack of sleep. Before, he was on at 12:30am...there was NO WAY we were going to stay up that late. But now, Conan's on an hour earlier...it's (almost) reasonable to stay up and watch. Yawn...I can't keep doing this and hope to accomplish the giant to-do list that has to be checked off by tomorrow night. Darn it...it's all Conan's fault...why'd he have to go and change shows and tempt us with his funniness?!

The one good thing about preparing to leave for an extended period of time is that along with all the necessary to-dos being completed, the other to-dos (the ones that have been lingering on the list for months and months) are getting checked off as well.

For a very long time, I've wanted to get some of my clothes altered. My body has changed so much in the last 10 years (up 20 lbs., down 20 lbs., up 55lbs., down 55 lbs., up 50 lbs., down 60 lbs.), a lot of the clothes in my closet just don't fit anymore. I don't mind wearing loose clothing, but when my jeans could be pulled off without even unzipping it, I figured it was time to visit the tailor. And wow, talk about breathing new life into something old! Yesterday, I dropped off the last of my clothes to be altered...a skirt and a dress that are being shortened. I'm looking forward to seeing how it turns out (below are the skirt and dress before...I'll post "after" photos tomorrow). I highly recommend taking clothes to a tailor, especially if your body has changed or you just want a new twist on an old outfit...alterations are usually less expensive than buying new clothes. There is a great sense of satisfaction that comes with finding a fresh approach to things I already have, don't you agree?

This has definitely been a rambling post...I should probably just stop now.

Ok, it's back to working on that to-do list!

return of the bang

the art of flying (with small children)

Emily commented on Monday's post, asking for tips on flying with small children. At first, I didn't think I had any helpful tips to offer. After thinking a little more though, I realized that Dustin and I have honed somewhat of a smooth routine for when we fly.

Just for fun, I counted out how many times we've flown since becoming parents three years ago. The number really surprised me: 23 flights with Fen, 8 of those flights in the last 12 months with both little ones. Yikes.

For what it's worth, here are my tips for flying with toddlers/babies:

1. Always, always, ALWAYS pack an extra set of clothing for your child AND for yourself. I have been peed on, vomited on, spilled on...funky things just happen in mid-air. If your flight is longer than 6 hours, pack two sets of clothing for each child.

2. DO NOT forget the snacks (dried peas, dried apples, carrot sticks, cheese, boxed milk, raisins, cereal, yogurt, apple sauce, crackers, grapes, diced sandwich meat, small candies). I usually include a small ice pack in the food bag, which usually keeps everything nicely chilled. For the candies and sweet treats, I try to use really gummie candies, which Fen then chews on as the plane lands (she gets really painful ear pressure). Also, I pack some of the snacks in plastic Easter eggs, which both Fen and Di get really excited about.

3. Crayons and coloring books DO NOT work on airplanes, unless you want to be constantly on your hands and knees looking for the missing crayons. Doodle Pro is a much better option! It's become a fun tradition that the day before a flight, I head to our local toy store and buy the following items: Schleich animals, Thomas trains, stickers, Little Golden books and any other assortment of cheap, delightful doodads. I unwrap all the packaging and re-wrap the toys with tissue and rubber bands. Every half-hour of the flight, I give Fen a new present...she stays happy, Dustin and I stay sane. Trust me, these little tissue-wrapped presents are the key to an outburst-free flight.

4. DO NOT leave your home without a baby carrier (we use an Ergo), CleanWell spray, and double the number of diapers you think you'll need. I have had mothers stop me in the airport, desperately asking for a diaper because they didn't pack enough.

5. If you have an iTouch or something similar, download a few favorite cartoons. It's such a special treat for the little ones...and a half-hour is just long enough to allow yourself to reboot.

6. If all else fails and your child is still fussy...take out the the airline magazine or flight instruction pamphlet that's in the seat pocket in front of you. It's colorful, easy to tear up, and strangely fascinating to small hands and eyes.

Well, that's all the free advice I have when it comes to traveling with little people...I'd be interested to hear your own tips!

cousin love

There is truly nothing more endearing than spending time with my cousins. Once again, we all gathered for an idyllic weekend in Maine, celebrating a high school graduation. My family is Chinese, White, and a little of each...I cling passionately to our diversity, our love for each other, and the constant joy that is always present when we're together. 

a flurry of activity

It's been just over a month since the little ones and I arrived home from the NW. I've enjoyed settling back into the happy routine of grocery shopping, driving Fen to preschool, and taking runs around the base.

The circumstances of this past spring left me quite emotionally shaken. Settling back into life here has felt like learning to walk again after breaking both legs. Each day has brought positive progress and a renewed confidence in myself. I am looking forward to a summer of lazy afternoons, bubble-blowing with Fen and wagon riding with DiDi.

This week, I'm preparing the suitcases again, getting ready for another long trip. We're heading to Chicago, then back to the NW. The prospect of spending two months apart from Dustin is not exciting, but he has much work to be done this summer, best done without me and the little ones around. It's kind of strange to think that by August, we'll have spent almost four months of this year apart. Thank goodness for free mobile-to-mobile and email. My biggest challenge of the summer will be remembering to "be Dustin" for Fen and Di...goofiness is not my forte!

So, there is a flurry of activity here at the house. Swim suits, sunblock, and bottles of bubbles are carefully being laid out next to seersucker pants, cotton skirts, and summer sandals. Fen probably wishes we could pack her tricycle...and I am going to miss my summer smoothie-maker. I need a bag like Mary Poppins'.

Summer travels for any of you? Please, do share!

sample junkie

Some women have that signature perfume that they've used their whole lives. Take my paternal grandma for example...she started using Chanel No. 5 when she was 18 (in 1935) and was still using it when she passed away (in 1997). Wow...62 years of the same perfume?! That, my friends, is beauty product dedication at its best. 

Me on the other hand? I have no signature scent...just a variety of perfumes that get used depending what the  mood is at that moment. Cleansers, toners, lotions, and scrubs...once I've used the product up, it's not very likely I'll buy it again. What can I say...I get bored really easily. Walking into places like Blue Mercury and Sephora are breathtaking experiences...so many colors, so many scents!! But when push comes to shove, I usually walk out empty-handed...why spend money when there's free samples?!

A sample is that beautiful thing that lasts just long enough to be truly appreciated...yet is finished by the time boredom starts creeping in. This past week, I launched a major expedition into the hall closet, that five-shelved cavern that was sorely in need of a cleaning. In my sorting and purging, I hit a jackpot of forgotten samples. Adding those to some new ones from my recent shopping trip, my skin has been experiencing a feast of good ingredients!

Some of these products are so good, I may just break down and actually buy a few (that's saying a lot from a sample junkie like myself). Out of the following seven, the favorite is definitely number four. 

#1 Ahava Mineral Eye Cream (one can never start eye cream too soon)

#2 Fresh Hesperides Body Lotion (the scent is unbelievably delicious...perfect for summer)

#3 Mustela No-Rinse Cleansing Fluid (so much better than Purell...and great for the face too)

#4 Dr. Hunter Rosewater & Glycerin Hand Creme (finally, a hand creme that isn't greasy)

#5 Laura Mercier Creme Brulee Sugar Scrub (sugar grains are a bit big, but the scent is yummy)

#6 Ren Wild Yam Body Repair Cream (made skin feel smooth and silky even the next day)

#7 Philosophy Lip Exfoliating Scrub (felt weird to apply, but it really worked well)

So readers, go forth and find yourself a free sample...it's the best thing to do for your skin in these difficult economic times (wink). 

freedom of religion